


Rebuilt

by ThirteensGalaxy



Series: Keep Your Faith Series [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/F, Femslash, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, POV Female Character, Sequel, Smut, thasmin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2020-10-26 05:22:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20736902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteensGalaxy/pseuds/ThirteensGalaxy
Summary: [Sequel to my other work titled Keep Your Faith]The Thirteenth Doctor and Team TARDIS have their holiday cut short when the Doctor receives a call from another planet. Wary from what they've already endured, they embark on a new mission with uncertainty.Yaz tries to reach the Doctor after a distance develops between them.First person Yaz POV.





	1. Aurora

We walked out of the shower rooms, washed, dressed and dried, and made our way back to our cabin. The ice rink and hot spring were deserted; it felt dead.

The air was thick between me and the Doctor, and it felt like we had regressed again. I felt an awful kind of sadness simmer in the pit of my stomach realising that both of the times that we’d slept together had ended like this.

I felt like crying, but I tried not to. I was being silly. She was clearly just overwhelmed. I was sure that switching genders was a lot to take in. She would get used to it in time, surely.

“Are you okay?” I asked her, our feet crunching on the snow, the air dark and cold.

She didn’t turn to look at me when she replied. “I’m fine, Yaz.”

But I knew that she wasn’t. “Do you want to talk about it?” I pressed.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” her voice was low.

A giant firefly flew past, the Doctor had wanted to see those after reading about them.

I pointed. “Doctor, a firefly!”

She gazed briefly at it, smiling. “Beautiful.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

The awkwardness was soon back, and I struggled to climb the bank that led us back towards the streets and cabins. I slipped in the snow, almost falling back down, gripping the cold substance feebly. A strong arm was suddenly around my forearm, pulling me upright.

I almost slipped again as I steadied myself; the cold air turning some of the snow to ice, and looked into the Doctor’s eyes. They looked sad and distant, like I was trying to find her energy and light through murky waters.

“Is it my fault?” I blurted out, doubt suddenly worming its way into my thoughts.

Her brow furrowed, and she looked away from me. “Nothing is your fault, Yaz.”

I reached for her hand; it was cold as I clung to it. “Please talk to me.”

She sighed, gently taking her hand away and running it through her blonde bob. “I told you there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Doctor,” my voice was hard and desperate.

She ignored me, not saying anything until we neared the cabin, pushing the door open to let me in. I stepped just in the door, noting that Graham was the only one in the living room.

“Aren’t you coming in?” I asked.

“Just going to pop back to the TARDIS for the night,” she said, avoiding my eyes.

“Doctor, I’m not doing this again.”

She frowned, looking me in the eyes. “Doing what?”

“Silence and anger. If you have a problem, with me or us, please let’s just talk,” I pleaded.

She leant forward, capturing my lips unexpectedly. It was passionate, and I sighed into it, my body leaning towards her, hands coming to rest on her hips, balling her coat into my fists.

When she pulled away, I hummed my pleasure, never tiring from the taste of her. “Don’t worry,” her husky voice murmured down my ear, before she abruptly turned and walked away.

I sighed, lips tingling and body thrumming from her touch. I walked into the living room, Graham sitting on the sofa, newspaper in hand.

“Honestly, you’d think you would do that before you opened the door not after,” he muttered.

I blushed, my fingers grazing my tingling lips. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, cockle. Where’s the Doc got to?”

My heart plummeted, confused by her as always. “She’s gone back to the TARDIS,” I thought for a second, and Graham allowed me the time to process my thoughts before I spoke. “She’s messing with my head,” I admitted.

“Hey now, I don’t think the Doc is like that,” he cocked his head, pulling a face. “That kiss seemed pretty passionate to me.”

“She’s gone all weird and quiet again,” I said. “We,” I blushed, quite unbelieving that I was talking about this. “We,” I cocked my head. “_You know_, and she suddenly went all quiet and broody like the last time it happened.”

Graham blushed, shaking his head in disbelief before he sobered, face serious and kind. “Hey, Yaz. The Doctor is gawd only knows how old, and she’s not human. There’s more to her than you or me will ever understand. She’ll talk about it when she’s ready. I imagine there’s a lot going on up there,” he tapped his head. “Give her time. She’s just changed gender. Many things, and I bet relationships, are vastly different where she comes from.”

I nodded, Graham’s words making me feel better. Maybe he was right. I shouldn’t expect conventional behaviour from the Doctor because she was anything but conventional. She was the stars, the galaxies, the universe. She was beyond my comprehension. Still, I hoped she would open up to me, and her kiss did set my mind at rest slightly.

Jeez, having intimate relations (was that what we were?) with an alien was hard.

~

I must’ve fallen asleep on the sofa, because I woke-up to hear voices, and there was a thin blanket draped over me.

“I’ve had an alert on the TARDIS,” the Doctor said quietly.

“Do you want me to wake everyone up?” That one was Ryan.

The Doctor was quiet for a moment before she spoke. “No, we’ll just leave first thing.”

“Okay,” Ryan replied. “Grandad won’t be too happy if I woke him now anyway, neither will Emma and Yaz.”

I kept my eyes closed, listening.

“What are you still doing up?” the Doctor asked.

“Couldn’t sleep, so I’m playing a game on my phone,” I heard the smile in his voice.

I heard the Doctor walk closer to me, Ryan sitting down on the armchair with a soft thud. I heard the music of his game start playing.

“What game is it?” Her voice was quiet as she sat down near my head, the sofa dipping under her weight.

“Fortnite,” he answered. “I’m slayin’ at the moment.”

I felt the Doctor’s hand make its way into my hair, and I could have shuddered at the feeling. Her small fingers gently caressed my scalp, sending tingles pleasantly throughout my entire body. I was in a sleepy state of bliss, and I didn’t want this moment to end.

I felt the Doctor’s body jump in excitement. “Oh! I know Fortnite. It’s a game about Ninja’s and Kung-Fu!”

Ryan burst out laughing, the Doctor shushing him, and as he quietened, he still spluttered with mirth.

“Doc,” he laughed. “Those are two people who stream the game. And it’s Tfue.”

“Oh,” she muttered. “What’s it about then?”

I listened quietly to their hushed conversation. Losing interest in the dynamics of the game pretty easily. I just focused on the Doctor’s hand in my hair, her voice, and her presence so close to mine. I wanted to touch her, so I feigned stretching, reaching up to pull my head into her lap, her legs warm and firm under me. Her hand that was in my hair stilled for a second, but soon continued its gentle roaming over my scalp, feeling a sense of relief and bliss pass over me as the Doctor’s gentle touches and murmurings sent me back to sleep.

~

When I woke up again it was daylight, quite early by the looks of the two suns low in the horizon. There was muffled talking and banging in the bedrooms, and I was disheartened to find that the Doctor was no where to be seen. I briefly wondered if I’d dreamt the whole thing.

“Oh, good! You’re up,” the Doctor’s voice coming out of nowhere threw me for a loop as I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “Sorry to rush you, Yaz but we need to go.”

“Go where?” I felt at home here, and I didn’t want to leave. I hadn’t even had chance to look around the marketplace properly.

“Back to the TARDIS,” the Doctor answered, her face a picture of urgency. “Had a call last night.”

I remembered now and felt both at once worried and comforted. So, everything was real last night. I didn’t dream it. I sighed, pulling the blanket off me and standing up to get my things from the room that me and Emma shared. As I walked past, the Doctor touched my arm gently. I looked into her eyes, and she seemed slightly lost, like there was something missing in her gaze. I put my hand over hers that was on my arm and gave it a squeeze. I don’t know what she wanted from me, but I was letting her know that I, that we, were okay.

She smiled, her eyes twinkling softly as I smiled back, before walking into my bedroom.

~

“Hang on, Fam,” the Doctor said, moving around the console with a flick of her coat tails.

The TARDIS suddenly lurched, making us all wobble, and Ryan fall to the floor. Emma rushed over the pick him up, smiling at him fondly. He smiled back at her as he stood up, her hand on his arm, and I felt a flood of envy at the easy and unspoken bond they shared.

I wish things were that simple with the Doctor.

I looked at her now, her brow furrowed as she watched the console, pressing buttons here and there. She must have felt my eyes on her, and as they lifted, hazel met brown. She smiled a ghost of a smile, and I couldn’t help the flood of love and worry that flared inside me at the contact. I was suddenly reminded of the song _Every Rose Has Its Thorn_ from my conflicting emotions.

I wanted her so badly, on every level. And I couldn’t stop the rush of desire as I looked at her nimble fingers, lithe body, beautiful face… How she touched me last night, especially with that tongue of hers. God, she was perfect.

“Where are we going, Doc?” Graham asked, breaking my wondering thoughts and causing a small blush to flush over my cheeks.

“Another planet, the one SOS has come from,” she replied, frowning at the readings.

“I didn’t know we were responding to an SOS,” Ryan countered. “Just thought it was a friendly call we were answering.”

“No, sorry,” the Doctor started, moving around the console again. “Should have been clearer.”

Me, Graham, Ryan and Emma all looked at each other. And it was there in everyone’s faces. Fear.

We’d just come off the end of an horrific ordeal, with me and Emma suffering particularly bad. And now we had been only days into our holiday, before it suddenly got cut short, and we were back out and about to face another potentially dangerous threat.

We all knew what we were taking on board, and we were all more than happy to stay, but after Reed and the like, we were wary; that’s for sure. The stakes felt higher than ever.

“An SOS,” Emma finally said, brushing Ryan’s arm gently. “Presumably whatever we’re about to face isn’t good.”

“I tend not to presume,” the Doctor answered, pulling a lever to land the TARDIS with a loud thud. “I just take precautions. I like precautions. Always take precautions,” she walked down towards the TARDIS doors, looking back to check that we were all okay. “You ready?”

“As ready as ever,” Ryan muttered.

She pulled the door open, and when there was no immediate danger, only planes of soft indigo grass, we all breathed a sigh of relief.

“What is this place?” Emma asked.

“Umbralun,” the Doctor replied. “Beautiful planet. So, I’ve heard.”

We all stalked out, and we all must have gasped aloud at the beautiful landscape.

“Blimey,” Graham muttered. “This is something.”

It was breath taking. It was night-time, or at least it looked like it. The grass, indigo in the dark light, stretched on for miles, broken only by a stream of clear blue water. Dark blue willow trees hung over the stream, rippling slightly in the wind. And then there was a purple one. This willow tree was massive, and its leaves started as a darker purple fading to a brilliant lilac as it drooped above the water. Purple fireflies buzzed above the stream, some of them causing ripples which distorted the reflected sky.

It was then that I finally looked up. There was one massive moon, taking up a gigantic portion of the sky and reflecting a gentle blue glow over everything. The sky was full of stars, thousands of them, and something that looked like the aurora borealis we had on earth.

I pointed to the shimmering blue and green lights. “Looks like the aurora we have at home.”

The Doctor was standing with her hands on her hips when I looked over to her, gazing at the sky. The brilliant light from the moon coating her in an ethereal glow. So beautiful.

“Ah, yes. The sun is so brilliant on this planet that it constantly causes charged particles to form. These penetrate the planet’s magnetic field and collide with the atoms that make up the atmosphere. These collisions cause photons, which make up the lights you see there,” she pointed to the lights, but we were all already drawn to their beauty, dancing in the night sky.

“Fascinating,” Emma muttered.

“Yeah,” Ryan agreed.

But I found myself gazing at the Doctor. She was looking at everything on this planet with a sense of awe and wonder, even though she’d probably seen a million beautiful planets, and knew how everything in the universe worked. She never tired of living, of understanding, and of just being. Her hair was curling at the ends from our shower last night, and there, where she basked in the glow of the magnificent moon, I’d never seen a more beautiful sight in my life; my heart was hammering in my chest and I forgot how to breathe.

That’s when she looked at me, while everyone else was looking at the lights, her gaze full of something I couldn’t place. Her skin was glowing blue, her eyes a dark purple. Her lips were parted, and I wanted to kiss them, taste them. She was just so attractive in that moment that I wanted to take her, then and there. To love her. To worship her.

“Doc, look!” The moment was broken by Graham pointing.

It was only when she looked away from me could I finally breathe again and follow where he was pointing. There were animals, big mammoth like creatures with white, blue, and purple shaggy fur.

“Are they dangerous?” I asked, body thrumming pleasantly from the Doctor, laced with the fear of the unknown.

There was a buzz of the sonic, and she shook her head. “Ah, Mumuts. Harmless unless you steal one of their babies. We’re fine, I mean, you guys don’t wanna steal any baby Mamuts, do ya?”

We all shook our heads, stunned by the new world that had been revealed to us, and wondering what else it had in store.


	2. Lay by Me

“So, where are we going?” Asked Ryan.

“To find whoever sent that SOS,” replied the Doctor, striding into the TARDIS, her voice growing slightly quieter. “The signal that was sent was weak, only enough for me to determine what planet it came from, not where.”

“Right, so we have to explore this planet on foot to find the whoever sent that signal, that could take weeks!” Graham complained.

“Sorry, it’s our only option,” the Doctor pulled a face as she stuck her head out the TARDIS. “We’re going to need camping supplies; we don’t know how long we’ll be out in the open. You guys okay with that?”

“I don’t suppose we have much choice, do we?” Graham muttered.

“Hey! I like camping, it’ll be alright, guys,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

The Doctor shot me a grateful smile before ushering us into the ship. “Besides,” she started. “I have a bag that’s bigger on the inside,” she winked.

~

We had been walking for a while, all of us with clothes and other personal belongings in our bags. The Doctor had numerous small tents in her bag, and goodness knows what else. Our bags were just the regular kind, so I hoped this journey was short and sweet.

Our walk so far had been serene. The darkness wasn’t scary, just idyllic. The sky still twinkled, and the lights flickered on. The moon was offering an ever-present glow that lit up the dark corners. Honestly, it felt like something from _Avatar_, the indigo grass soft under our feet. The stream wasn’t ever far from us either, fireflies darting around, the trickle of water over small waterfalls was comforting. There were small cliffs topped with more grass, flora, and trees. Small ruins of makeshift tents were dotted around which kept our hopes up that there definitely was humanoid life on this planet.

We met a few more Mamuts, keeping our distance from their young, and we were all delighted, if not a little wary, to spot a colourful lynx-type animal prowling near the entrance of a cave set into a small cliff face, colourful flowers and bushes sprouting up near the entrance.

“What’s that?” Ryan whispered, grabbing Emma’s hand and pulling her closer.

The Doctor scanned the creature and squinted as she read the sonic. “That is,” she squinted harder. “A Magria. A female, looking for a mate, maybe.”

The beast looked magnificent. Her shoulder blades jutting powerfully with every step she took. She was blue, with light purple spots, and shimmered in the moonlight.

“She’s beautiful,” I breathed, stunned.

“She is,” the Doctor agreed.

“Real question is,” Graham started, pulling his backpack higher up his shoulders. “Is it evil?”

“Not evil, dangerous, probably. Best keep your distance,” the Doctor answered, continuing to walk.

I saw Graham’s face pale, and Ryan laughed, shoving his grandad while his grip on Emma’s hand visibly tightened.

I jogged up close to the Doctor, slipping my hand into hers, feeling a flood of relief when she took it, holding it tightly.

“I love it here,” I said, still unbelieving at how beautiful this place was.

“I’m worried,” the Doctor admitted, her thumb coming to rub over the back of my hand. “We’ve been walking awhile and there’s still no sight of any living people. What if we’re too late?”

“We’re not,” I replied. I wasn’t sure, but I desperately wanted to make the frown marring the Doctor’s forehead and the worry in her eyes go away. “We’ll find them.”

She sighed, running her free hand though her hair. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” I replied. “I know there’s a lot on your mind.”

She didn’t reply to that, she just squeezed my hand, and I was troubled because the worried look in her eyes didn’t go away.

~

“Let’s call it for today, fam,” the Doctor sighed.

We had walked, spotting a few more tattered tents and one area looking like it was once a small settlement. But we stuck to the stream, not wanting to get lost, and encountered a large waterfall. We decided to pitch near it, in a copse of trees. The tents were small, little pop-up things, barely enough for two people, but it was better than nothing.

Graham was lucky, having one to himself, but I was worried that I’d also be alone, the Doctor one for wondering off, and I didn’t want her to do that on this unknown planet. She’d probably done it a million times before on a million different planets; but I would worry. I wanted her near me.

The Doctor left spacious gaps between the tents. Graham sometimes snored, and there was no Ryan this time to throw him a punch to shut him up. Graham, Emma and Ryan were laughing, but the Doctor was quiet as I helped to pitch our tent. I didn’t want to pry, at least not yet.

“Done,” she said, brushing her hands on her trousers. 

The three small tents were placed in such a way that they formed a circular area in the middle of them, giving us plenty of space to get in and out without bumping into each other and, as it turns out, a beautiful place to stargaze.

We found ourselves lying on the indigo grass, the Doctor pointing out patterns in the stars. The sound of the waterfall, the insects, and the Doctor’s voice made me reconsider this journey. Maybe it was going to be pleasant. Maybe, just maybe, the SOS was something that wasn’t dangerous. I knew I was being hopeful, but I wanted so desperately to believe it.

“Doc, be honest, you’ve seen a lot of planets, but this has to be up there as one of the most beautiful, right?” Graham asked.

I looked towards her, blonde bob splayed on the grass, coat surrounding her body and making her look royal. Her eyes reflected the stars, her lips gentle as she spoke. “I find that the people make up the beauty of a planet, Graham. But yes, aesthetically, this planet is very pleasing.”

“I’m a little scared of the animals, but this is just unreal. Like earth on steroids,” Emma said.

“But earth people are so special,” the Doctor murmured.

I looked over to her, her eyes were closed and the worry in her brow was still there. I wanted to badly to kiss it away. I reached over to lace our fingers together, and when I did, she looked at me; a million stars in her eyes.

“You’re so beautiful,” I whispered.

She bit her lip, and I followed the movement of it, watching as her lip slowly came out from under her teeth, a sudden thread of desire travelling to my core. She was about to respond, when Ryan spoke instead.

“I’m turning in,” he announced, yawning. “Fingers crossed we find civilisation tomorrow, Doc,” her nodded at her as she sat up.

“I hope so,” she replied.

Emma got up following Ryan into the tent, wishing us goodnight before zipping it up behind them.

“Suppose I better go to bed too then. Ladies,” Graham smiled at us.

“Night, Graham,” I said.

Since everyone was going to bed, it was only right that I did as well. Besides, I was tired. “Goodnight, Doctor,” I said quietly, moving over to my tent.

“I’m coming.”

My breath caught, a thrill going through me. I wanted so badly to touch her. Even just a hug. I climbed in, trying to be calm, letting the tent door flap shut behind me before I started pulling off my clothes. It wasn’t too dark in the tent, the moon illuminating the sky more than our moon did on earth so I could see what I was doing. I pulled my pyjamas on, stuffing my other clothes into my bag before dumping it at the foot of my sleeping bag.

I lay back on the hard airbed (yes, the Doctor had a pump in her bag) and stared at the empty sleeping bag next to me. It wasn’t long before the Doctor scrambled in, pulling her shoes and coat off, dumping them near her bag, and zipping the tent shut.

The airbed wobbled as the Doctor crawled up it, pushing her bracers off her shoulders, and lying next to me with a flop and a sigh. I tried to calm my breathing, I mean, how often had me and the Doctor been intimate? Hugging, kissing, fucking… But I never could get used to her.

“Your heart’s going mad,” she whispered.

I felt myself flush. “Sorry.”

“What’s on your mind?” She asked, turning to face me.

“You,” I answered honestly, heart thrumming faster.

“Oh,” the Doctor when quiet for a moment. “In a good way, or a bad way?” she asked.

“Both,” I admitted, last night in the showers being a very real, very recent memory, as well as the tension between us since.

I turned to face her, a furrow still in her brow. “Are you okay? I mean, really?”

“I’m just worried about these people, the SOS-“

I cut her off. “Doctor, this started after last night, before you knew about the signal.”

“Yaz, about that, it wasn’t you. I-“

“What was it then?” I cut in, hearts pounding, desperate for her to talk to me.

“It’s me, Yaz. I’ve got a lot to process.” A sadness permeated her eyes.

“I just thought,” I started, looking at the ceiling of the tent, the bright moon almost visible through the fabric. “I thought that maybe it was something that I did.”

I felt the Doctor shift beside me, rolling over to turn away. “It wasn’t,” was all she said.

I felt my heart sink to my feet, tears prickling in my eyes. Her response just made me feel worse rather than better. I just lay there, feeling hot tears roll down the sides of my face and pooling onto the pillow. I sniffled, and the Doctor turned to face me again, her face crumpling in sadness.

“Oh, Yaz,” she pulled me straight into her arms, my ear pressed against her chest, her two hearts pumping in rapid tandem. “I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She shushed me, stroking my hair quietly as I sniffled onto her shirt, getting it all wet and snotty. So attractive.

“I just want to know what I did that’s bothered you so much,” I whispered.

“Yaz, it’s not you, please,” she sighed.

“But it all started after we-“ I was silenced by a kiss, the Doctor’s lips so, so soft and wonderful.

I pulled away; my breathing spiked. “What was that for?” I panted.

The Doctor placed her hands on either side of my face. “Not your fault,” she murmured.

Her eyes, hazel and sparkling even in the dim light, were open and honest. Her words were sincere, and I had no choice but to believe what she said, despite my conflicting feelings.

“Okay,” I nodded, a flood of serenity rushed over me, lifting a weight that I didn’t know I had as the Doctor gave me a small smile.

I thought I was certain that something was up ever since our night in the showers, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask her again. She had expertly deflected all my anxious thoughts and questions and now I were feeling that I might have imagined the entire thing.

“Good,” she smiled, removing her hands from my face. “Get some sleep.”

I couldn’t stop the slight disappointment I felt as she rolled away from me and onto her back, tucking an arm behind her head. I found that I couldn’t stop staring at her. She was so beautiful, intriguing and, well, _alien._

“Do you have any idea of what’s going on here?” I asked her.

She looked at me, her blonde hair splayed over the arm she was lying on. “Not really, Yaz. There’s clearly evidence of people here, people who have tried to settle. But other than that, and the SOS the TARDIS received, I have no idea of what we might find. _If _we find anything at all.”

She moved her head back to stare at the ceiling of the tent, the bright moon still beaming outside. She was clearly tense, and as I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, I desperately tried to remind myself of our earlier conversation, and that her worries might have nothing to do with me.

It was hard though, especially when at some point during my light sleep, she climbed out of the tent and left me alone with my thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, guys.   
A kudos is always appreciated if you enjoyed it.   
I'm so glad to be finally publishing the second half of this series.   
I love writing Thasmin <3


	3. Nightwalk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a filler chapter of the fam adjusting to their time on Umbralun.  
I promise it gets much more exciting after this!  
<3

My sleep was fitful and unrested. This alien planet had set me on edge. Unlike on Vastronae, I felt wary and uncomfortable, even though this planet was much more captivating and beautiful.

Looks could be deceiving, though. Isn’t that how the saying goes?

I decided to give up on sleeping when light filled the tent and I heard voices. I rubbed my eyes, they felt gritty and sore. A small part of me, despite my brave nature, didn’t want to face the day ahead. Our holiday on Vastronae was not long enough.

“Hiya, Yaz!” Emma was cheery, her long hair wavy and poking out from under a beanie and she waved from the chair she was sitting on. She was too perky for my tiredness.

I waved back meekly.

“You alright, cockle? You look tired, love,” Graham asked, his kind voice offering a familiar comfort. He was sipping a cup of tea and sitting on a chair like Emma.

I frowned. “Where’d all this come from?” I gestured to the area around me, referring to the chairs and tea.

“The Doc,” Graham smiled a smug smile and I turned an accusing eye to the Doctor’s bag leaning near our tent.

“Where is she?” I asked, making my way over to a small table and pouring myself some tea from the still hot teapot into one of the metal mugs that lay around it.

“Gone wondering,” Graham said. “You know what the Doc is like.”

I just smiled at him before glancing around at the surrounding planet. It was so different in the light. The grass was a dark green, so different from when the moon lit up the sky. The sun was small, so small actually, that it was more akin to Earth’s sun.

The moon was still massive in the sky, what was visible of it, and the flora and fauna were even more brilliant. The flowers, the steam, the sweeping willow trees and the waterfall glittered and shone in the light of day. But still, I thought there was a magic about it during the night, like this planet was meant for the dark.

I sat down near the waterfall, the thick grass was soft under me, and the loud, repetitive splashing of water was familiar and soothing.

If I closed my eyes, I was almost home.

“You alright?” Emma’s voice permeated my consciousness.

I looked up to her, squinting in the sun. “Yeah, I’m fine, course I am.”

“You’re a bit quiet,” she observed, sitting down next to me and twirling the long grass in her fingers.

I shrugged. “Alien planet has got me in awe and on edge all at once.”

Emma nudged me gently with her shoulder, rocking me slightly. “We’ll be alright. We always are.”

I gave her a genuine smile. “Yeah I know. We’ve got each other, yeah?”

She smiled back, her brown eyes glittering in the sunlight. “’Course,” she paused for a second, looking down at the grass she was still playing with. “I know I’ve not been with you guys all too long, but thanks for everything.”

I smiled back at her before staring at the waterfall ahead, the sun making the water sparkle and shimmer as it tumbled down the small cliff face and into the stream below.

“It’s what we do. What the Doctor does. We help where it’s needed. It’s why we’re here now,” I watched as an insect resembling a butterfly fluttered past, it’s colours beautiful. “How come you didn’t want to go home? If you don’t mind me asking. I know this life is amazing and everything but being home is underrated. Normal life is sometimes a nice break from the hecticness of travelling with the Doctor. She always seems to find trouble.”

She took a moment before she spoke, following the butterfly-like insect with her eyes as it settled on a brilliant willow tree nearby. “My home life wasn’t exactly something to want to go back to,” she answered, her eyes faraway as she stared. “You know about my ex-boyfriend, the man who tried to kill me when I didn’t follow his insane ideals,” I nodded. “Well, I was only with him because I was sort of out of my head. I was having some trouble at home and he seemed like an escape, and he was, until it all went wrong.”

I didn’t want to push her, so I didn’t ask for more. “I’m sorry,” was what I offered instead. “I hope being here helps.”

She was still staring where the insect had landed, though it had long flown off. “Yeah, it does,” her voice was quiet, reflective.

We didn’t say much else after that, I just sipped my tea and we both enjoyed the view.

“Hey gang!” I would be lying if I said that the sound of her voice didn’t set my heart racing.

I turned to see the Doctor striding into camp, her long coat flowing about her. She looked happy, some of the troubles of yesterday seemingly forgotten. Her cheeks were tinged pink and she was smiling, one of the most beautiful smiles that makes me forget how to breathe. The one where her lips curve in the most adorable way, and her entire face lights up in joy and wonder.

“Hey, Doc,” Graham said, half-dozing in his chair. “Where you been?”

She walked over to Emma’s vacated chair and sat down, but her entire body was thrumming with energy. “Just wondering. Always jump at the chance to explore other life forms, me. I love it.”

Graham looked over to her, squinting. “Right. Find anything good?”

She stood up again, clasping her hands together. “Actually, yes!” She looked over to me and Emma, beaming, before her expression harshly changed as she frowned. “Where’s Ryan?”

“In bed,” Graham chuckled.

The Doctor opened her mouth in mock shock, still frowning as she moved towards his tent. She made my chest tight at her display of adorableness. “Ryan!” She shouted, shaking his tent gently. “Please get up. I have news to share with the gang! And,” she frowned harder as she glanced at the sky. “It’s awake time!”

I heard a grumble from where I was by the waterfall.

“No, Ryan!” The Doctor said. “It’s not a gang meeting if you’re not there.”

Ryan must have said something to placate the Doctor because she sat back down, though her back was ramrod straight and she was shaking with anticipation. She looked over to me then, and as her eyes met mine, I felt at once both anxious and calm. Her eyes were stunning, even from how far away she was. And she never failed to stun me with her effortless beauty.

“So soppy,” Emma half-laughed and when I looked at her, she was clearly teasing me about my prolonged look at the Doctor.

“Shut-up,” I muttered, pushing her gently before turning my eyes back to the Doctor who had started to pace.

I scrambled up off the grass and made my way over to her. I passed Graham who was dozing, and I nudged him gently as I put my now empty mug on the table.

“Don’t fall asleep,” I said gesturing to the pacing Doctor. “She’ll be livid,” I winked.

“Good shout,” he said, pulling himself upright in the chair and blinking away his sleepiness.

I walked over to the Doctor who was pacing a little behind Graham’s tent, outside of our makeshift camp. As I reached her, I placed a hand on her lower back. She was facing away from me.

“Hey, you alright?”

She turned around to face me, my hand dropping from her. “I’m fine, Yaz. Great even,” I could see the pent-up energy in her eyes as she looked at me.

“What did you find?” I asked, and I was delighted when she smiled brilliantly at me, her smile shaping her following words.

“I think I’ve found the direction in which we need to go,” she blinked, shaking her blonde hair. “Where the people are. The sonic is picking something up. Oh, Yaz, I so hope we can help them.”

I felt both hope in my chest and fear clawing my stomach both at once. “Are you scared?” I whispered to her.

Her eyes lost their light as they darkened when she looked at me, worry creasing her brow. “Of course, Yaz. Not even I am immune to fear, regardless of how it may seem on the outside,” she placed her hands on my shoulders, squeezing softly which sent a thrill to my chest. Her face was serious and soft at the same time and I was so wrapped up in her. “And you can’t have bravery without fear. You’re strong, Yaz. Especially for your age, you’ll be okay.”

I nodded, gulping, and tried to fill myself with the confidence that she had in me. Her eyes were intense as she regarded me, and I was about to ask for something, _anything _from her to make me believe her words more, but the moment was broken by Ryan noisily stumbling from his tent. She gave me another squeeze on my shoulders before letting me go. I offered her a smile, but I wanted to say so much more.

I held my tongue though, and we walked back to the centre of camp together as everyone else was waiting for the Doctor. I had already heard what she had to say, so I climbed into my tent and awkwardly began dressing, listening to the Doctor’s news again through the thin fabric of the tent and already desperately trying to remember her encouraging words.

~

It was another day of walking again. The tents and all the extra bits that the Doctor had pulled out of her bag were all safely back in, and we were walking to where the Doctor thought the people we were tracking had went.

The planet was just stunning, and it never grew old, despite the anxiety of what we might be facing that stirred within us all. I looked down at my boots and watched as the thick grass crunched underneath them. It felt wrong, desecrating somehow. Like our very existence on this planet was not right.

We saw more animals, Mamuts mostly, gorgeous with their shaggy, colourful fur, but we steered clear of their young on the Doctor’s orders, as cute as baby Mamut’s were no one wanted to lose their arm to its parents.

We stopped for food and toilet breaks, but the Doctor was restless, she constantly wanted to be on the move, and when we were, she walked rapidly, her coattails billowing and her sonic in the air every now and then, like she was possessed.

When the sun went down, and the enormous moon took over the sky once again, it was like the planet came alive. Fireflies, invisible in the sunlight, became wonderous dancing lights in the dark. The willow trees that hung by the stream which we stayed near, glittered and lit-up in a beautiful neon glow, like during the day they were sleeping, and night-time was playtime. The stream trickled by, the water a deep blue, the grass an indigo, the entire planet a gorgeous enigma.

As we settled again for another night, we all turned in a little bit sullen. A day of walking and not finding anything more, besides an abandoned camp which gave the Doctor a burst of renewed energy, had tired the rest of us out and we wanted home. Wherever home was for me, anyway.

I was starting to feel like it was not a place, but a person.

~

We were all sitting around a campfire that the Doctor had enthusiastically made. We were all grateful, even though this planet felt like summer, for the comfort of its flickering flames.

The sky was clear, there were a million stars twinkling, the lights were dancing in the sky again, and the serenity of the moment was welcome after a long day.

Graham and Ryan were singing a campfire song, laughing through the lyrics, and the wonder on the Doctor’s face was incredible. She was on the edge of her seat, hands in her lap, watching the pair with rapt fascination, head bobbing to the music. Emma, like the Doctor, was enjoying the show, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the Doctor’s love of living and unrivalled fascination in everything.

When they were finished, the Doctor clapped, scrunching her face up in joy.

“Well done, boys. Love a good campfire song,” she was practically bouncing in her seat.

“You got any, Doc?” Graham asked, picking up his mug of tea and warming his hands on it.

“Songs? Nah, this version of me isn’t much of a singer,” she shrugged.

I leaned over the arm of my camping chair to gently tug on her sleeve. When she turned to look at me, the glow of the fire behind her made her look ethereal.

“Got any stories?” I asked, voice quiet and eyes shy.

She tilted her head sideways, thinking. “I got loads of stories, I’m full of ‘em. Wanna hear a Time Lord fairy tale, gang?” She turned back to the rest of the group.

“Yeah, ‘course,” Ryan answered, stoking the fire and making it splutter.

I shuffled closer to the Doctor. I wanted to see her face and the way that the flames softened her. I moved so close that the arms of our chairs were touching, and I could see the fire in her eyes.

“Once upon a time, there were three little Sontarans,” she started, using her hands to gesture and draw the magical world she was describing.

“Hold on,” Ryan piped up, snuggled with Emma over the other side of the fire. “Is this going to be about how the three of the ‘Sontarans’ build houses and an angry wolf tries to blow them down?”

The Doctor pulled a face. “No Ryan, this story is about how the three Sontarans destroyed a great enemy…” she pulled a face. “Okay, it’s a little similar but there’s definitely not a wolf. Anyway,” she continued her story, her eyes lost in the tale and my heart following her there.

When she finished, she sat back in her chair feeling proud of herself, and I felt wrapped up in the Doctor, her voice being a soothing balm to me, her tale an escape.

“Sounds like the Three Little Pigs to me, Doc,” Graham muttered.

“It does! But you stole this tale from us and turned the Sontarans into pigs,” she shook her head. “They won’t like that.”

I tugged her sleeve again, too sleepy and content to speak, and when she turned to look at me, my heart never failed to flood with compassion. “Do you have another?”

She smiled softly at me, before scrunching her face up in thought. “The Three Little Sontarans is my favourite, but I do love The Emperor Dalek’s New Clothes,” she smiled, looking back to the others over the fire.

“Oh my days,” Ryan shook his head laughing. “This just gets worse and worse.”

“Hey! You stole from us, remember?” She winked before her hands came up to help her weave her tale.

And then she started and I was lost again. Not just to the story she was telling, but to her voice, soothing, unique and familiar.

A balm to my soul.


	4. In the Name of Love

I was in a state of semi-consciousness. When reality blurs at the edges, the campsite I was once in becoming a mass of things. The fire a beacon of warmth and red, voices a soothing murmur, and human touch a sleepy bliss. The rest of the world became insignificant, my dreams taking me away, barely aware of the waking world. I was awake enough to know that I was being carried, the rhythm of walking a repetitive comfort.

I also knew who I was being carried by, their skin and their smell unmistakeable. I took a soft sniff of her now, taking her in. The crackling of the fire and the hum of voices was fading away, and I could hear her breathing, every hitch and every sigh a music just for my ears.

Her hair tickled my forehead, my lips near her collarbone, tucked under her. The feel of her was waking me up, more of her becoming sharper, clearer, more to love. I snuggled into her neck and kissed her collarbone, my lips lingering on the way her skin gently wrapped around her.

And there was the intake of breath. I kissed it again, maybe more passionate than I should have ought to, but then she let out such a soft breath that it caressed my cheek as it came out. I snuggled into her more, and I felt her arms flex as she shifted my weight slightly.

Her walking had slowed down.

I took in another breath of her, letting her hair tickle my nose and her essence to envelop me, and then I spoke three words into her skin.

“I love you.”

~

I woke up to a dim, comforting glow and warmth. I was still dressed, and it took a moment for me to understand where I was. My eyes also took a moment to adjust, suddenly understanding where I was with a rush of clarity.

I was in the tent, Umbralun’s moon shining meekly through the fabric. I was swaddled in my sleeping bag, and it was getting warm with all my clothes on too. I remember the Doctor carrying me back, and I sighed at the gorgeous memory, filing it away somewhere to recall whenever I needed comfort.

“You okay?”

I looked to my left and the Doctor was lying on her back, coat off, arm tucked under her head again. She then rolled over to face me, tucking her arm under her cheek, her blonde hair splaying on the pillow.

I smiled at her and nodded. “I’m good.”

“It’s not morning yet, Yaz. I’d go back to sleep,” her voice was softer than usual.

“How come you’re not out exploring?” I asked her, her exuberance and energy had kept us all on our feet today. I wondered why she was suddenly so relaxed.

“I wanted to be with you.” Her whispered confession was almost lost into the air as my ears barely caught it.

My mouth went dry and I gulped as her words went straight to my chest. “I’m here,” I whispered back.

She smiled, soft in the dim light, but there was a sadness to it. I was instantly reminded of our night in the showers. What had happened then? What had changed? She assured me that her recent solemnness had nothing to do with that, but I wasn’t fully convinced.

Was she afraid of intimacy? With me?

“Doctor, are you afraid?”

“I’m afraid of many things, Yaz. You’ll have to be more specific,” she replied quietly.

“Of me.”

Silence.

She shuffled her head a little, and in doing so, moved closer to me. “Yes.”

That one word shattered her, scattering her about me in a million pieces. I tried to grab her, to stop her slipping away from me. I pulled myself closer to her, pressing the entire length of our bodies together, and kissed her softly.

She didn’t respond, her lips still and unmoving. I pulled away, my heart hammering so hard in my chest, the feeling throwing me all over the place.

“Please,” I whispered, not knowing what I was even begging for, verging on tears.

“Fuck,” she hissed. I’d rarely heard the Doctor swear, and there was something terrifying and arousing about it at the same time.

She leant in and kissed me fiercely, and I was too stunned to respond straight away, her soft lips encouraging mine to move with hers. She pulled away, as if about to change her mind about whatever she had just decided, but I didn’t give her the chance, pushing my lips back into hers and demanding that she kiss me back with my mouth, my lips, my tongue.  
She moaned softly, so soft I could barely hear it, but I did, and it set my world on fire, pleasant heat curling in my stomach and lighting a flame between my legs.

I ran my hands up her side, wishing to feel her skin, craving the electric fire that was her. She ran her own hand up my back and then into my hair at the nape of my neck, her other hand toying with my shirt, pulling at it. Our legs were brushing, her leg so close to slipping in between mine.

I pulled away, panting, skin alight. “I want to love you, touch you.”

Her eyes were dark and heavy, so full of passion and lust. She nodded wordlessly, already sitting up to pull her shirts clean from her head. I just watched, too stunned by her gorgeous body as it was revealed to me. I had only seen her properly that time in the showers, and now, bathed in the soft light of the moon, light curling over her skin and shadows softening her edges, she looked more beautiful than anything I had ever seen.

She rivalled this entire planet.

I moaned softly at the back of my throat when she tugged her trousers down her supple, long legs. She made eye contact with me as she tugged them off completely, leaving her in her bra and knickers only. I wanted her to take them off, to see how the moonlight would caress her breasts, highlighting her pale nipples, to see the glisten between her legs.

“Your turn.” Her voice was hard and husky.

I yanked my top off without thought and threw it to the side, already unbuttoning my jeans a second later and kicking them off my legs. I unclasped my bra, tossing it, and pulled my knickers off my legs in a flash.

“I’ll tell you again, Yasmin Khan, you are beautiful.”

I looked over to her and gasped at the look on her face. She was, indescribable, just gorgeous. Absolutely alien. So perfect that humanity couldn’t even come close. She freed her breasts of her bra, her nipples at attention, and drew her knickers down her legs.

I gulped. “So are you.”

Despite the gravity and lustfulness of the situation, my heart was pounding, and I was so nervous. The last times we had done this did not end well. The moment was broken as I asked the question I needed to know the answer to.

“Are you sure this time?”

Her eyes lost their hard edge and softened slightly. I thought she wasn’t going to answer, and when she did finally speak, she was so quiet. “I am. I think.”

She looked so small all of a sudden that I moved over to her. I sat in front of her and took her hand. It was shaking.

“Hey, it’s only me,” I smiled at her gently. She curled her fingers around mine and smiled back, albeit weakly. “You’re okay,” I reassured.

Her face was lit up by the gentle moonlight. She looked like an angel when she looked into my eyes. “Of course I am.”

She reached over and kissed me gently, her breasts brushing mine. I moaned, all arousal flooding back, nipples hardening. She moved her soft lips from my mouth for a second to kiss my neck, pushing me down onto the airbed with her hands on my shoulders, her body covering mine.

“Gosh, you’re so good at that,” I murmured.

“Good at what?” Her breath was hot down my ear, her body touching the full length of mine was exquisite.

“Kissing me,” I replied, shivering when she sucked gently on my earlobe. “Everywhere.”

Her thigh fell heavily against my centre and she pushed it into me. I moaned softly as I felt her own wet centre rest on my own thigh simultaneously. She kissed me again, lips so hot and wet, and my hands trailed down her arms, pricking up goose bumps as I went, and down her sides until I found her gorgeous hips. I was careful where I was touching her, I didn’t want to make her more nervous. She seemed to feel better taking control and I wasn’t about to stop her.

She planted her elbows either side of my head as she started thrusting gently. She stopped kissing me to rest her forehead carefully on mine. I kept my hands on her hips gentle, letting her set the pace. The way her pussy rubbed on my skin, her wetness growing, was enough to set me off completely, a fire starting to burn. She felt incredible.

She stared down at me for a while, her hazel eyes dark, our breaths mingling in the tiny space between us. The only noise we could hear was our heavy breathing and the obscene noises we made as we slipped and rocked against each other.

“Am I doing this right?” She whispered.

I gripped her hips tighter, loving the way they felt, and used my hands to encourage her movements. “You’re doing perfectly,” I whispered back, biting my lip. “Does it feel good?”

She rolled her eyes back for a second, biting her lip, and then nodded. I reached up, tucking her hair behind an ear, her cuff catching the weak light, before cupping her cheek. “Stop worrying, just feel.”

She seemed vulnerable. Complete contrast to when she took me that first time in the TARDIS, and even the second time in the showers that didn’t end well she was much surer of herself than this.

This time was quieter, more calculated. There was no mad rush of arousal, no steamy shower. This was raw.

She picked up her thrusts, and I kissed her gently before biting my lip and moaning from the feel of her. She was wet, but I was soaking, every huge breath I took released a trickle from me, coating her thigh.

“That’s so sexy,” she muttered, lifting herself up onto her hands to look down at our bodies rocking into each other.

I watched her small, perfect breasts swaying gently with her movements. “Yeah, it is.”

“It’s so different,” she whispered, looking back up and scrunching her eyes shut, her thrusts never ceasing.

I moved one hand from her hip to run my fingers over her moon-bathed back slowly. “What is?”

She opened her eyes, and there was a vulnerability there that I had never seen from her. She gestured to our bodies. “This. Us.”

I grabbed both of her hips, doubt worming its way into my brain again. “Doctor, if you’re not enjoying it we can always-“

Her finger was on my lips and she interrupted me a second after. “I didn’t say that. It’s just new,” she worriedly bit her lip, shifting on top of my thigh which caused me to grunt softly at the feel of her. She scrunched her face up in apology. “Sorry,” she was blushing, which was so beautiful.

I reached for her. “C’mere,” she lay down again, tucking her face into my shoulder. “You set the pace and you choose what we do, yeah? If you even want to do anything at all.”

She just nodded, her soft hair tickling my face and her breath hot on the skin of my neck. I just hugged her, enjoying how she felt on me, against me. Her skin soft under my roving hands, bringing up goose bumps on her skin and making her shiver in delight.

I was still incredibly aroused, but if this is what she wanted, or needed, I’d happily lie here like this all night.

“This is a change,” I smiled, tucking my face into her hair, inhaling her smell.

“From what?” Her voice hummed into my neck.

“The first time you took me. You were so in control and,” I paused to think. “You were almost possessed.”

She shrugged her shoulders, sitting up slightly to look into my eyes. “That wasn’t really sex was it? I just took you. I’m still sorry about that, Yaz. I wish it’d been more even between us.”

“I enjoyed it,” I laughed gently before turning serious. “When we had sex in the shower you didn’t like it though,” I stated it how it seemed to me.

Her eyebrow creased as she closed her eyes, sighing. “Yaz, I thoroughly enjoyed it.”

I reached up to brush my hand over her shoulder and down her arm, trying to sooth her. She needed to fully open up to me. I needed to understand. “Why did you stop then? Why has it been a bit weird between us since?”

She turned her head away from me, taking a deep breath. “Yaz… It’s just complicated.”

I put my hand on her face, encouraging her to look at me. She did, her soft eyes reluctantly meeting mine. “Please, Doctor. You’re scared of me, right? But why? Please talk to me. You can’t sit here completely naked on top of an equally naked me and feel like you can’t talk to me.”

“I’m just not sure what I want in this body,” she confessed.

My heart took a plunge, blinking back tears. “You mean me, whatever this is between us?”

Her face softened, crumpling into pity. “Of course not! I don’t mean that. It’s so hard to explain…” she sighed, wiping her eyes which made me wonder if she herself was holding back tears. “I mean sexually,” she whispered.

Suddenly I felt like such an ass, like everything that had happened between us suddenly made sense. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t think about that. Why didn’t you just say that the night in the showers?” I continued to stroke her moon-bathed, soft skin, as much for calming her as for me.

“Because I still don’t understand it myself. The only reason I’m telling you now is because I’m sick of you thinking it’s you and hurting over it,” she murmured.

I just pulled her back down into a hug, all sexual intent gone. I just wanted to hold this precious, beautiful and enigmatic Time Lord that I had the luck to be able to love.

Time for understanding would happen later, but I didn’t realise just how much later that would be.


End file.
